The dog is whining, the dishes await, dinner isn't cooking itself, and yet I'm here writing this blog. There's this part of me, some rebellious part, that loves that I'm not doing these things I'm "supposed" to be doing. And another that feels guilty for not tackling my long to do list and a million other things that could be done around the house.
This brings me to todays topic. Mom guilt. It's neck and neck with Catholic guilt but unlike being a Catholic if you're really good at being a mom, your guilt probably never goes away. My apologies to Catholics if this offends - I am only speaking from my experience through friends and family with ties to the Catholicism.
We mothers are champions at feeling guilty about everything we do and everything we don't do. We feel guilty about passing along genetic factors that we have no control over. We feel guilty for not spending every moment of the day with our babies. We feel guilty when our children say we're being too harsh or too overprotective, and we feel guilty when we are too lenient or relaxed.
If you're not on high alert every minute of the day, you must be a horrible mom. Right?
Why don't we as mom's seem to talk more about the hard things we go through? I'm not trying to be whiney here, I promise. My point is more one of community building. I meet so many young moms going through the same things I went through 5 or 6 years ago when my kids were toddlers and preschoolers, but I assure them it's all normal and give them advice on how to help their situations. They are so grateful and almost surprised that other moms go through the same things. Are we, as a society too concerned with appearing to have the perfect family that we can't open up to others who could probably use an ear or at least a reassurance that they and their children are normal? That what they are going through is the same thing you are? I wonder if we could get more respite from guilt if we chose to see other mothers not as competition in the game of who's family is better, but rather as other passengers on the same ride down a bumpy and rough road.
It's not easy being a parent. Why not try to help others along the way? You may just wind up helping yourself.
Showing posts with label mom. Show all posts
Showing posts with label mom. Show all posts
Wednesday, October 1, 2014
Friday, September 12, 2014
Time Warp Resume
Ok... proof that I'm behind the times in the job market! When did the cover letter start heading straight for the recycle bin? In finally speaking to friends about not getting any calls and asking about what people look for in a resume and cover letter, I've discovered that everything needs to be in the resume - which can now also be more than one page long.
I'm telling you, I think being a stay-at-home mom was equivalent to being in a bubble for nine years in some ways. I was totally unaware that I was out of the loop!
Back to the drawing board for me! Hopefully resume 2.0 will be more successful. Wish me luck!
On an up side - I've been a frequent visitor of my easel again lately. It's like revisiting an old friend. You pick right up where you left off and hours melt away.
I'm telling you, I think being a stay-at-home mom was equivalent to being in a bubble for nine years in some ways. I was totally unaware that I was out of the loop!
Back to the drawing board for me! Hopefully resume 2.0 will be more successful. Wish me luck!
On an up side - I've been a frequent visitor of my easel again lately. It's like revisiting an old friend. You pick right up where you left off and hours melt away.
Wednesday, September 10, 2014
Creative Woman Looking for Work... Argh! Better Not Hold My Breath
*Sigh*
That is how I'm starting my blog.
Here I am, a mother, an artist, a woman in her mid-thirties trying to start over. I left behind a life in the corporate world nine years ago to raise our children, and am not sure how I feel about trying to jump back into that life. That life of getting up early, spending an hour commuting to and from work, sitting at a dest feeling under appreciated and stressed as all hell. Every hour spent in some fluorescently lit office or in traffic barely moving will be one less hour spent with my kids, my husband, my dog, and my art. Not to mention my friends, who I barely see now as it is but for quick chats, coffee dates, and maybe a walk now and then.
The thing is, who I was nine years ago is so vastly different than who I am now. Back then all disposable income was spent on us. Our date nights almost always ended at Barnes $ Noble and we could buy things for the house or new clothes for ourselves anytime we wanted to.
That said, I didn't understand the desire and need to put these little creatures we're raising ahead of ourselves. We had so much, but so little at the same time. The house must have been so quiet - and boring. I've seen so many things anew through the eyes of my kids that I had taken advantage of for most of my life. My nearly nine-year-old son asks questions deeper than most college students. He's a thinker, a philosopher even, at this young age. It's absolutely amazing.
I don't know that I ever appreciated my own artistic tendencies for the gift that they are until I watched my daughter's artistic nature blossom. She could hold a pen and draw at six months better than some kindergarteners. I'm not trying to brag - really. I'm simply amazed by her. This little person has a need to make everything beautiful. In first grade we had to get her to understand that she needed to do her work first; embellish her worksheet second.
Where does this come from? It's innate. It somewhat comes from me and my husband, but it's also all their own. And I never knew what I was missing before they were in our lives.
I'll also admit that I'm scared to death that the world has left me behind in the nine years I've been out of the corporate loop. I've worked part time during this time, and have made beautiful art, and beautiful babies, and a beautiful life. I've been, in many ways, living in a beautiful bubble. But I don't think I'm alone.
Is there a scientific term for this condition? There must be droves of other mothers out there who are caught between the worlds of family and other life. I know I've spoken to several other stay-at-home parents who don't really want to go back to where they were before kids, but aren't sure how to move forward. What do I do next? How do I fulfill myself, contribute to our income, and still be there for my family?
I frequently envy those moms who went right back to work after having their babies. They can juggle like crazy, but they can also leave home life at home and work life at work. I'm sure the two worlds blend at the edges, but I have to imagine the division of labor is more equal among working spouses as well. I've also had mom friends who work and truly don't understand that being a stay-at-home mom means you don't get PTO or hooky days. You don't get sick days, or bonuses at the end of the fiscal year. You are paid in hugs and funny memories. I don't think there is one right way to be a mom - working or not - it's all hard.
So where does that leave me? I'm not really sure. Now that both of my kids are in school, I'm looking for that 'perfect' job that will be a mixture of fun, challenging, flexible, and artistic. Does it exist? I don't know, but in the meantime, I have found myself giving my kids extra hugs. Looking at them longer. Trying the remember every bit of them before I embark on another chapter of my life.
That is how I'm starting my blog.
Here I am, a mother, an artist, a woman in her mid-thirties trying to start over. I left behind a life in the corporate world nine years ago to raise our children, and am not sure how I feel about trying to jump back into that life. That life of getting up early, spending an hour commuting to and from work, sitting at a dest feeling under appreciated and stressed as all hell. Every hour spent in some fluorescently lit office or in traffic barely moving will be one less hour spent with my kids, my husband, my dog, and my art. Not to mention my friends, who I barely see now as it is but for quick chats, coffee dates, and maybe a walk now and then.
The thing is, who I was nine years ago is so vastly different than who I am now. Back then all disposable income was spent on us. Our date nights almost always ended at Barnes $ Noble and we could buy things for the house or new clothes for ourselves anytime we wanted to.
That said, I didn't understand the desire and need to put these little creatures we're raising ahead of ourselves. We had so much, but so little at the same time. The house must have been so quiet - and boring. I've seen so many things anew through the eyes of my kids that I had taken advantage of for most of my life. My nearly nine-year-old son asks questions deeper than most college students. He's a thinker, a philosopher even, at this young age. It's absolutely amazing.
I don't know that I ever appreciated my own artistic tendencies for the gift that they are until I watched my daughter's artistic nature blossom. She could hold a pen and draw at six months better than some kindergarteners. I'm not trying to brag - really. I'm simply amazed by her. This little person has a need to make everything beautiful. In first grade we had to get her to understand that she needed to do her work first; embellish her worksheet second.
Where does this come from? It's innate. It somewhat comes from me and my husband, but it's also all their own. And I never knew what I was missing before they were in our lives.
I'll also admit that I'm scared to death that the world has left me behind in the nine years I've been out of the corporate loop. I've worked part time during this time, and have made beautiful art, and beautiful babies, and a beautiful life. I've been, in many ways, living in a beautiful bubble. But I don't think I'm alone.
Is there a scientific term for this condition? There must be droves of other mothers out there who are caught between the worlds of family and other life. I know I've spoken to several other stay-at-home parents who don't really want to go back to where they were before kids, but aren't sure how to move forward. What do I do next? How do I fulfill myself, contribute to our income, and still be there for my family?
I frequently envy those moms who went right back to work after having their babies. They can juggle like crazy, but they can also leave home life at home and work life at work. I'm sure the two worlds blend at the edges, but I have to imagine the division of labor is more equal among working spouses as well. I've also had mom friends who work and truly don't understand that being a stay-at-home mom means you don't get PTO or hooky days. You don't get sick days, or bonuses at the end of the fiscal year. You are paid in hugs and funny memories. I don't think there is one right way to be a mom - working or not - it's all hard.
So where does that leave me? I'm not really sure. Now that both of my kids are in school, I'm looking for that 'perfect' job that will be a mixture of fun, challenging, flexible, and artistic. Does it exist? I don't know, but in the meantime, I have found myself giving my kids extra hugs. Looking at them longer. Trying the remember every bit of them before I embark on another chapter of my life.
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